Monday, monday, monday

The weekend was both melancholic and freeing. I felt productive and functional. The melancholy seems to be lifting…

Bright eyed before 3:00 this morning. I mean, this is not uncommon for me since he moved in or since B and I are basically one. Even as a dog, he senses when I am stressed or my heart aches. I normally would have laid back down, which I did, but sleep stayed away. Might have been the distractions in the background.

The alertness did allow for a big step forward. The goal is to keep taking steps…

38 and counting

When I look in the mirror, I barely recognize the woman looking back. She is hovering above 270lbs, she is sagged, spotted and on the brinks of tears. She looks back but her eyes are empty and soul numbed. She has been here before, many times in fact. She has mastered the song and dance, and no longer knows where she starts and the others end. She is lost and tired, and desperately seeking meaning.

Tomorrow he leaves. My heart already aches for the inevitable loneliness to ensue. But hoping to fill the void with self-care and compassion. This is the journey I am attempting to document…to rediscover her and move closer to health.

Who or what will I find along the way?